Jason

Jason and I finally skyped. The connection isn't very good but its something. Right now he's battling fatigue along with a 7 hour time change. His day starts at 2 am and then he works 4 am-noon. He said all he wants to do is sleep and shower. His new home is all dirt-no grass or trees or flowers. It makes me appreciate the beauty I have around me.

So for you Jason when you go outside and see thisImagine this instead-a COOL summer day in Alaska.

The Future is as Bright as your Faith

I've been listening to Conference as I run in the morning. It's a great way to start the day but it doesn't help my time. I find that I run significantly slower than usual and am at times even crying. (I'm sure if it wasn't so early I would definitely turn heads.) But I feel the need to do it. I'm alone with my thoughts and I seek revelation to help me with the day ahead. Today a quote jumped out at me and I knew this was what was going to see me through the deployment-my motto if you will. It was given in the Saturday afternoon session by Elder Russell M. Nelson who was quoting our Prophet Thomas S. Monson.

"I testify to you that our promised blessing are beyond measure. Though the storm clouds may gather, though the rains may pour down upon us, our knowledge of the gospel and our love of our Heavenly Father and of our Savior will comfort and sustain us and bring joy to our hearts as we walk uprightly and keep the commandments. My beloved brothers and sisters, fear not. Be of good cheer. The future is as bright as your faith."

My faith determines my future, my destiny. If I have faith and hope in the love of my Heavenly Father and Savior then I am powerful beyond measure. There is nothing I can't do or become.

Whaaat!

Kelsey jumps into the car at 5:45 am with a sweatshirt on. The sun is already shining and the temp on the car thermometer reads 69 degrees. I casually ask her what she is wearing under her sweatshirt. She hems and haws and bit and tries to get around the question but I know. I know. She's wearing my shirt. "How did you know?" she asks.
I'm PSYCHIC. Like Shawn Spencer I have a gift.
Kelsey, trust me I know the tricks. (see previous post)

Journals and an Apology

I had high hopes for today but in the end didn't accomplish much. I guess its ok to give myself a day to mourn. I didn't cry nor curl up in a ball. I felt solemn and nostalgic. I just wandered around the house all day occasionally glancing at the mess that desired attention but was ignored instead. I just wasn't into it.

I straightened up our attic last week and and found a tub full of old journals. So today I picked one up and started reading. There were good memories of trips to Utah for weddings and graduations and the stress of whether to buy a home and my pregnancy with Kate. That was a fun journal to read. My high school one-not so much. Its was humbling.

I got an email from Jason and he's made it safely. Hopefully will get to talk to him tomorrow.

And he's Gone. . .Out of sight but not out of mind!

Jason left today.
My emotions have been all over the place this past month. Usually I was fine until someone asked me how I was doing. Then the tears would spring up and I'd think 6 months!!!! It hasn't even been 6 months since Christmas and that seems forever ago. My mind couldn't even wrap itself around that number. We've been through 3 deployments and they've all turned out to be 4 1/2 month deployments. But 6??? Then one day (after going to the temple) I realized I just couldn't think about it anymore. I decided I was just going to take it 1 day at a time and I was going to use that time to become a better me. I needed goals. I needed to focus on what could be instead of what life would be without Jason. The negativity was paving the pathway to depression. I don't want to be depressed for 6 months. I want to be happy and play with my kids and take advantage of all the opportunities coming my way.

We have a month long trip planned to visit my in-laws in Rockport, TX. (30 minutes from Corpus Christi and from what I hear they are just 3 blocks from the beach!) Another trip to Alaska with my sister for my 20th reunion and my mom is coming to visit me for a month in August. It's going to be great! What do I have to complain about? Its Jason that I'm sad for. He's the one missing out and all alone. So please don't feel sorry for me. But do say a prayer for Jason. I am so proud of him. He's going over there to do good things. And I know he'll do a good job! Before he left he asked me what I wanted him to do. I made out my to-do list. And mind you some of these things I've been waiting for for a couple of years and yet he did them. And more. He really tried to leave me in the best shape possible and he did. And I am so grateful! I'm going to be ok.

Good news. Just as he was boarding the bus he showed me his orders and they say 123 days. His 6 month deployment may turn into just a 4 monther. I don't want to get my hopes up because things have a way of changing in the military. But I can hope