Gratitude

I wasn't in much of a thankful mood this past week. I was actually far from it. I was moody and testy and angry and frustrated and our Thanksgiving turned out to be one I'd not like to remember. As Jason was packing he handed me a booklet meant to give me information to prepare for the deployment. One of the first things I read was, "Couples preparing for deployment and separation go through many emotions. . .Intense feelings are normal. . .Don't worry if you are angry or depressed. . " The first thing I thought was, "That's right, okay, I'm normal." Then I was upset that a booklet had predicted my behavior.

I went alone to church today, well with the 5 kids in tow. Today's talks were on Gratitude. This was something I sorely needed to hear. Gratitude. How could I be grateful? This assignment has been tough on me. Jason has left me more times than I can count and is doing it again. Even when he's here his schedule is unpredictable. There are so many things I can and have complained about. And you know what? It's gotten me nowhere. I'm not liking the person I have become. And I'm tired. You know the talks they give on forgiveness and how forgiveness is more for you than the one you are forgiving-because if you don't forgive then your really only hurting yourself. Well, that's how I feel about the situation I'm in now. Not that I have to forgive but that I'm not improving my situation with my complaints and angry fits. It's only made it so much worse.

So I'm moving past that. No more complaints. No more adding up how many months Jason's been gone since we've lived here. No more dwelling on all the negative aspects about his job. No, I'm going to be grateful starting now. . .

I'm grateful
-that Jason is in the USA and safe from harms way and that we can visit him for Christmas (18 days and counting!)
-that he has a job that he loves because if he didn't the situation would be so much worse
-that he is supporting the war and the heroes that are headed home from it
-that he has a job that provides for our family
-that he loves me despite my recent mood swings and erratic behavior
-for my kids that love me and are willing to keep me as their mommy despite my recent mood swings
-for family and friends who have in the past provided the ear to which I complained into and are here for me again
-for those who have already offered their support. . .offering dinner, breaks from kids or to the kids breaks from me and anything I need when the need arises. Like a garage door that pops off the track or an air conditioner that blows a fuse. You never know- something is bound to happen.
-for cell phones so the kids can have fun texting Jason with messages like, "We got a $5 coupon to Taco Bell and dinner only cost us $.25." or from Ryan, "I saw two mustangs (the car) one was red, one was yellow."
-for prayer and the Holy Ghost and a Heavenly Father who loves me. I'm know I'm not alone.

There's a lot to be grateful for.

On a really personal note I found a scripture that will help serve as a reminder of what my home can be like when I stay positive. It can be found in 2 Nephi 8:3 or Isaiah 51:3,

"For the Lord shall comfort Zion, he will comfort all her waste places; and he will make her wilderness like Eden, and her desert like the garden of the Lord. Joy and gladness shall be found therein, thanksgiving and the voice of melody."

What a promise. That's the kind of home I want. Plus, I'm really excited that I understand a verse in Isaiah!